Sunday, 17 April 2016

You are better than this

Let her go

I had a topic in mind for this post, however after an hour long conversation with my friend I felt compelled to change my topic for today's post.

I am not sure where I began to give advice on relationships, since my relationship was shaky for a while. However I feel through experience, books, and counselling, I have a grasp on maintaining and preserving a lasting relationship, or so I think.

This is the same friend who has given me advice before on my relationship who is now calling to ask for advice about his recent breakup.

There is two ways I want to go with this post. One what should he do to win her back, Two why he shouldn't.

Let's begin with what he can do to win her back.

My 1st piece of advice: Do not pick up the phone and call her for at least 7 days. You have to give it time. Time for her to wonder what is going on. Time for her to miss you. Time for her to start the "What If's" What if he was the right guy all along.

If he is strong enough then make it 2 weeks.

Make it a challenge/goal like you would going to the gym and saying you will do a routine and not quit until it is complete.

Every time you pick up the phone to call her that clock resets it self. Calling right away makes things worse, I am not talking about stalking status, although it could be considered as such. What I am saying is that the hurt is too strong and that with time it becomes faded.

2nd: Get control of yourself. This ties into the first bit of advice I know. I am not talking about will power. I am talking about the crazy thoughts that are running through your mind. The "What If's" about her.

Making your mind up is a powerful way to control yourself. Like saying to yourself I am not going to call her is good. When you say things like "I am going to call her the minute I get off the phone with you", guess what, your mind is already made up.

3rd: At this stage you are already looking for every reason to get back with her, and how she is perfect in every way. However she is thinking the complete opposite of you. She is looking for every reason to blame you for every problem she has created herself and lacks the ability to take responsibility for.

Ask yourself this, at your best of times together was it a fuck yes or a fuck no for you. Truly answer this, you have no one to lie to but yourself was she a fuck yes without a doubt she is the one, or she was just a maybe.

Think was it desire, lust, or something more than that? How could you answer that question in this state? I know it takes looking really deep within yourself to know the answer to this, and only you will know.

Was the sex phenomenal, was that what it was all about? Could you spend time with her doing things besides thinking about where a cool place would be to hump. What were your relationship goals?

Remember none of this can be applied to you or maybe it can. I do not do relationship counselling, this is simply my personal experience, what I went through, and how I came out with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

4th: Go see a counselor, get an unbiased opinion. No this does not make you weak. No this does not make you a loser. Yes it will cost you money. It is money well spent. You cannot go wrong ever in investing in yourself.

Of course do your due diligence and seek out a reputable counselor. Do not expect them to agree with everything you say, because remember you are hurt, if you want someone to inflate that bruised ego and tell you what you want to hear call one of your friends who doesn't care too much about you to be upfront and honest with you.

5th: Stay Busy. Not just physically, but mentally. Challenge yourself to do things that will better you as a whole. Examples are: Take courses in school, start hobbies that you enjoy, workout regularly, join clubs that will be more than just social interactions. This also applies to the next section of this post.

Now let's get into why he shouldn't go back to her.

There are many people in this world and everyone deserves to be with someone. We are social creatures. We do not do well in solitary, and that's why prisons are so good at breaking down human psyche.

Going out with anyone right now in this hurting state is not the right time. Last thing you need to do is invest into another relationship. Although there are people who can swing like a monkey from branch to branch, person to person. However this is not my advice.

Think back, what were the reasons for the breakup? Read this Power of No by James Altucher. Does emotional abuse occur in any time of the relationship? Did she hurt you mentally by smashing your character. Things your worst enemy wouldn't say to you, and not just in the heat of the moment, because we all say stupid shit that we sometimes can't take back. I mean on a regular basis.

Yes your ego is crushed, you can't get what you want. But that's it. The goal is to make her not be able to get you, thus making her want you even more. This sounds rhetorical I know.

The worst part about this is that my friend had actually progressed to be someone better than he was with his last relationships. This is what is really messing with him. Not understanding that he applied all this effort to the wrong person who didn't deserve it.

I hope this doesn't discourage him to continue applying the same effort to his next relationship.

So I am going to conclude this post with the following statement that was sent over by my friend.

"Ill tell you something my old friend. Money doesn't buy you happiness. Don't take what you have for granted, cherish life, the memories, and the people you love. I've never been so successful and have everything going great in my life, but I still feel so empty."

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

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