Why you should play on team sports

This is called a ruck, it happens when the play stops.

All my life I have been active. I played team sports such as basketball, soccer, and rugby.

I don't want to bore you to death and talk about sport statistics or where and when I played sports.

Instead I am going to tell you what it has done for me and explain to you how essential it is to be on team sports. I am not discounting individual sports, because those are important as well.

Playing team sports has laid out the foundation for my humanity in the workplace. Let me tell you how.

To be a good leader you must work well with others. Yes this may sound cheesy, but you must be in unison with whom you play with to be a top performer in a league.

It sometimes may be hard to notice when watching professionals play because you are to focused on the individual, however if you have played before than you understand that the best teams play flawlessly and to do that they must trust each other.

They run, think, and breathe as one. Sportsmanship is built naturally when playing on team sports. What is sportsmanship? Ethics, respect, fellowship. Those are all traits that become essential for your core character.

The sense of accomplishment you get from scoring is overwhelming. Having the support and encouragement of your team makes you feel like you belong. It boosts your levels of serotonin, and makes you want to continue to do better.

It's the same in business. When you get something accomplished you continuously want that dose of serotonin to rush through your body.

The key is to celebrate your accomplishment. After playing on team sports the norm would be to get together after the game to proclaim about how things were done, to laugh and have fun together. We tend to overlook this in the workplace after a win, this is one critical mistake that we make.

In your workplace you keep on going and you discount your performance. You don't even stop to think about why you should acknowledge your win. What is the point?

The point is to give you a sense of direction and purpose. The point is to measure your success and remember why you are doing what you're doing, and most importantly it is to make you feel good.

Even small wins are worth celebrating.

I am not going to sit here and brag to you about how I was chosen to be captain of my basketball and rugby team, I never understood why I was made captain. I think it is because I played with commitment and was able to communicate and coordinate with my team.

I love sports, and you should too. You are never too old to play, it is so good for your health not just physically but mentally as well. Sports improve your concentration, mood, sleep habits, they boost your self confidence, remember the part I talked about after scoring.

So If you lose does it suck to play team sports? No.

Losing is fundamental for growth. When you lose you learn a great deal about yourself, your team, and how you can improve. Winning is not as good of a lesson as losing is.

So can you see how this can all relate to business and the workplace? I hope by now I don't need to reiterate everything I said and put it into business terms. Every single thing that you take away from sports it matters and can relate to business and the workplace.

Remember the earlier you get started in team sports the stronger you will build all those things I talked about in this post, again not to say that it is bad to play in individual sports. We can save that for another post.

One thing I didn't talk about is the downside of sports. Injury. Yes it can make you stronger, but it also can make you depressed, lower your confidence and physically disable you. However don't let this intimidate you, because you take precaution when playing.

The worst injury in sports happened to me recently when I was playing basketball and thought I broke my ankle. Now that is a pretty good statistic considering I played for 20 years and have never had anything worse than a badly sprained ankle.

Another thing that I want to mention before I wrap this up is that I also recently wanted to join a men's soccer league. Again not to brag, but I find I adapt very easy when I play sports and I love playing competitively.

However I was bewildered when I came for try outs, for those who don't know what that means, it is to see if you make the cut to be on the team, and to sort out your position. Well I barely made the cut, that's a nice way of putting it, to be honest I sucked. Has all those years of staying active done nothing for me, have I lost?

Let me tell you my self confidence dropped like a building being imploded for demolition. I was so discouraged that I didn't even want to go back to end the try outs let alone to continue to play soccer at all. At the beginning I looked around and thought to myself that these guys are no better than me.

Well that was a terrible mistake. They were better. Much better. Because this is what they do, they practice and play. Here I thought I could come in after playing some drop in co-ed games and performing well that I would do the same with experienced players.

My girlfriend who I have mentioned many times in my posts has given me the encouragement to not discount myself because I have come to play with professionals, instead give myself a pat on the back and to continue practicing. With anything you practice deliberately you become a master.

Playing on team sports has been beneficial in such that I developed my people skills which became an asset to growth in business, as well my self-confidence and my health.

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

To be continued....

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Why you don't appreciate what you have

Looks like fun doesn't it?

Why do we appreciate the good when we experience something shitty?

We take a lot of things for granted simply because we are preconditioned to notice any different.

When you have a good cup of coffee from your local cafe, than you try the Starbucks coffee, you think to yourself why did you even bother. When you are dating someone and you get dumped, you want them so much more. When you play golf at a really nice course and than go to a shitty course, well guess what you won't be going back to the shitty course, and all of the sudden you LOVE the old course so much more.

Notice here the emphasis on love. This is important because our conditioned mind turns the like into love after you have a negative experience with something new.

We get used to the things that are good to/for us.

Thinking about the mass population that has no clean water and barely any food when we are hungry or thirsty just doesn't happen. We neglect to realize this. Why?

Simply because we are more concerned about our needs over anyone else's. When pain strikes us, and I don't mean pain as in you fell down and you bruised your leg or you cut your finger slicing up vegetables for your soup.

I mean the pain that lets us know we are hungry, thirsty, or we are stressed. Yes this can be physical pain, your stomach will hurt and you might have a migraine.

All that matters at this point is you. No one else.

Do we take a hard look and always stay conscious at the fact that things can be so much worse for us? No.

Do I? No.

We become conditioned to luxury's. When this happens for us, these luxuries become necessities.

You just can't go without having your daily Starbucks coffee, or your daily newspaper. Yes it can be overbearing to miss out on caffeine, and of course you can't go on without reading about all the shitty things that are going on in the world.

So why do we take things for granted most of the time?

Because we want to be better than everyone else. There I said it. You want to have the nicest clothes, a car you can't afford, and live outside your means because you think that this will impress everyone.

But it doesn't have to be the battle of the titans. You don't need to have bigger and better things than your compadres.

We all just need enough. I have heard this before from my fellow friend who is a bariatric doctor and I do believe it, "There is enough resources in the world for everyone, they are allocated poorly, that's why more than half the population struggles.".

This is what inspired me to write this post. I got upset two days ago when I got a haircut from a new barber. What did I do about it? Well I mopped and had one shitty day. Was this necessary? Absolutely not. I should be thankful to have hair that grows back really quick. What did I learn from this? I shouldn't take my hairdresser for granted.

Take a real hard look at everything you have. I have said this before that experience triumphs over empathy. So thinking about something versus experiencing it is not the same. Yes when you experience something bad you immediately appreciate what you had prior to that experience.

The test is to not have to experience anything shitty. However if you don't experience anything shitty how will you ever know how good you really have it.

You can do things in moderation/occasionally and enjoy them so much more.

For more on why we need to stop taking things for granted read this article.

Really good quote that stood out for me from this article,

"Learn to appreciate what you have before time makes you appreciate what you had."

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

To be continued....

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Are you a loner?

Doesn't that look like fun?

Have you ever travelled alone, ate alone, spent long periods of time alone?

If you said yes to the above question than you can relate to this post. Uncertainty and doubts are probably running through your thoughts if you have not experienced this.

You may be wondering "what is so special about being alone?"

Besides the fact that you get to step outside of your comfort zone, and that you get to meet amazing new people (not that you couldn't do this when you are with someone). You build your confidence and you give yourself time for introspection.

I spend a great deal of time alone. This is what makes me, well you guessed it, me.

Of course I have family, a girlfriend, friends, acquaintances, business partners, clients, readers and pets. However I choose to spend more than half my day being by myself. Whether it's working on my business or on my self.

There is good side to this and of course there is a flip side to this coin. It all boils down to your personality.

When you get to be by yourself for long periods of time. Disconnected from any social platform and connected to your thoughts and feelings amazing things happen. You become an extraordinary problem solver.

Some people of course, and we can call them extroverts, do better in social settings. Collaborating with people to generate ideas. They feel accepted and secure. For me this is the opposite. I get my best work done when I am alone. When no one is standing watching over my shoulder.

I have heard from some people, who are in my circle of friends, that it feels awkward to sit in a restaurant by themselves. I find it intriguing. 

You don't have to waste energy thinking about the conversation you facilitate if you are with someone. You don't have to sit in an awkward silence, my girlfriend calls it the "golden silence" (she came up with that phrase when she asked me to remind her of what I called a "comfortable silence") and yes she loathes when we sit and not say a word to each other over a period of time at the restaurant.

Why do you have to talk? Most of the time it is boring meaningless chit chat. When what is going on in that head is so much more fascinating, and most times it doesn't sound the same when you speak those thoughts out loud. I can apply the Pareto principle of the 80/20. 20 percent of the conversation is significant, and 80 percent we can live without.

Travelling alone is one of the most daring things a person can do. From the people that I know, very few are comfortable with this, and by the very few I can think of 4 friends who will and have travelled abroad alone.

What is so scary about travelling alone?

I think the emphasis here is that people sometimes are scared to be left alone to their thoughts that are waiting for them like a snake luring mice in the jungle. I admire those who do travel alone and experience life in a different way as the majority do.

Don't get me wrong being social and being with someone on a constant basis, travelling, and going to restaurants is 'normal'. It makes us humane.

I guess I could say I cheat, that the books and blogs I read or the Ted talks I watch all the authors keep me company when I am alone.

Being alone is scary, intimidating, fun, adventurous and stimulating.

I have so much more to say about this, so until next time.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

Do you pay yourself first?

Wait. Read this post.

Payments are a part of life, they are unavoidable, without them we wouldn't have any necessities.

Some people are just not so great with this. I wouldn't classify myself as being one of those people. However I am one of those who likes to wait until the very last minute to pay the bill.

I will explain why I stretch it out to the very last minute. Either way the bill has to be paid before it's due date. Yes your credit will get fucked if you constantly miss your payment due date. So why wait?

Well I have learned that paying yourself first is more important than paying your liabilities.

It is true.

Which are you?

What if an opportunity presents itself and guess what you paid the bills first so you are left with not enough for this opportunity of reinvestment. "There is always a chance to make more money with the money you have".

When I suggest reinvestment I am not talking about buying luxury. A nice watch, an expensive T-shirt, or a some brand new Nike's. I am talking about putting money into an asset not a liability. Let's break this down further.

Of course image is everything. You want to look sharp, and be overdressed , because first impressions leave a lasting impact.

So what I am saying is if it is an investment that will better YOUR brand than go ahead and invest. However if your just after those shiny objects than paying the bills first should be your priority.

Have a backup plan, when you reinvest, if you cannot pay your bills on time, what will you do? Will you ask for help, ask for an extension, or will you just let your credit go to waste?

Now if you don't reinvest and you are just planning to put the money aside into a low bearing interest savings account then pay your bills right away because it will make no difference on your money.

Having clients who are late on payments frustrates me the most. I am not talking about paying them on their due date, I mean when they pay them after the due date. Even worse when they act oblivious.

I make myself miserable, not having the patience makes me more irritated and stressed. But it's not the actions of the other person that's doing it. It's my own mentality, my own patience that I take for granted.

According to Yes magazine, patient people enjoy better mental health. It is true, patience is a virtue. I need to get out of my head with the "What if they don't pay me at all?" "What if they die?" "What if they move away and I can't find them?".

It truly is a waste of time and mental energy conjuring all these pointless assumptions. If they don't pay, sue them. If they die, make sure in your contract it is written their insurance covers your ass, If they move away hire a private investigator.

If you can't find them, well it is your fault for investing in them in the first place. So next time don't, or get collateral to cover any and most of the losses.

Pay your bills, do it when they are due and no sooner or later. But if you are terrible and forget things then pay them when you get the notice to pay.

"Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap. But by the seed that you plant." Robert Louis Stevenson.

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

Do you know what love is?

"All, everything I understand, I only understand because I love."

Leo Tolstoy, born to a Russian family of nobility. His ancestry is traced back to a Lithuanian noble Indris (I mention this because I was born in Lithuania). To say he was an influential writer would be an understatement. His work still carries weight to this day. 

But this is not what this post is about. The quote is a sound opening for this topic.

Love.

We have all experienced it at some point in our life, whether it's with a spouse, a family member or with your material possessions.

Yes love comes in all varieties.

I read a fantastic novel The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. His theory is such that we each have a language that we feel the most love from. For example if you love gifts than the person who buys you a gift (Language: Gifts) you appreciate them more than if they mowed the lawn for you (Language: acts of service).

It is a must read for relationships. I gave copies to many of my friends who are in relationships. Unfortunately I have not got any feedback from them, but I trust that they have taken in the wisdom Chapman conveys to us.

Everyone has their own way of acknowledging love. Everyone's experience is unique. Like my friend said to me today, you can read about it in a book but you will never feel what it feels like until you have it.

One must distinguish between being in love and being in a state of infatuation. It may feel like love when you are in the latter stage, however there is a distinctive difference. Lust is having a hard time keeping your hands to yourself. Love is taking responsibility and being empathetic.

Love, a double edged sword that can take you from one extreme to other. It is so powerful that it can make us feel so good, and it can hurt us so deeply.

Have you ever experienced the pain of a loved one passing or leaving you? It feels like your heart is shattered into a million pieces. It turns your world upside down. You become so negative and cannot appreciate anything.

So should you not love than to avoid this misery? But then you would have missed the immense joy it brings.

Why?

We cannot find love in any specific part of our body. The heart does not hold love, so why do we associate the cliche of drawing a heart to symbolize love? Possibly because our body reacts with stimuli (heart pounding, your body sweating) when we are confronted with a certain situation. But that's not love, that's excitement and fear. 

Love is not in your brain either. So where does love come from? Is love real? And if it is than how can we prove it? Where is the science behind it?

Does everyone fall in love? Can we for certain say if you do A, B and C you will be in love or be loved?

These are all questions for another post.

Love feels real and magical and unexplainable. Just like consciousness. 

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

No one will ever deceive you, right?

We will never run out of space to advertise.

Advertisements contain facts not information.

An invasion on our subconscious has reigned upon us for millennial. How have we become entrenched with advertisements? Everywhere we go we see advertisements that we don't care for. Guess what, they are there for a reason and they will get you to buy what they are selling whether you like it or not.

Let me tell you a brief history of where advertisement began and how they became modernized. Sigmund Freud's nephew is responsible for the latter. I will get into that in a minute.

Advertisement began as early as 4000bc with the Egyptians selling messages about events and political campaigns to the masses. In every civilization we can find a form of advertising. In china they played flutes to sell candy. In Europe advertising was used to communicate what trades were available.

In 1786 the first advertising agency was established by William Taylor.

I don't want to bore you with more facts about the history of advertising so I will quickly summarize it with how it became modernized by Sigmund Freud’s nephew Edward Bernays.

Edward Bernays was a pioneer of cigarette advertising. He understood the power of the subliminal messages that can target people into the desire of purchasing commodities.

I also want to mention the amount of money that has been spent on advertising. It was estimated in 2011 about 470 billion dollars.

Now let us leave all those facts behind and get into what I would like to convey to you in this post.

You can see advertising as an art. It is a form of evoking emotion from you. The more it touches on your emotions the more likely you will buy what that advertisement is selling.

It is amazing how disruptive the industry of advertising has been for brick and mortar companies to have to shut their doors after centuries of being in business. This goes to show how you cannot rely on past success to be your future predictor.

Advertising began with posters and word of mouth and now has spread through the use of media, and technology in all forms. In a movie you will subliminally see tens of various company's merchandise and commodities subtly influencing you to desire the car or food or clothing that the producers are depicting.

Why am I talking about advertising well it is because it is a large industry in which we cannot escape. Is it wrong to advertise? Is it immoral? Well not exactly.

It is wrong to persuade, and that is what advertising is all about it is the art of persuasion, for things that are harmful and damaging to the body and environment. 

Now how do we decide what is wrong to advertise and what is right. Unfortunately we don't. Oil, Mcdonalds, Cigarettes, and Alcohol are industry giants and the money they spend on advertising is what makes the agency's thrive.

So the reason I chose this topic is because my intention is to build a platform in which I will sell advertising space. However because it is my platform I will choose what is advertised on my space.

As I am writing this I ask myself "Will I be tempted if I got offered a handsome sum of money to provide space for a company of which I find unethical". Would you?

In the near future I predict advertisement will be subjective to your specific needs. You will only see what the advertising company knows you want to see.

In another post I will introduce the perception factor. Why we see what we choose to see, and why we miss everything in between.

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

This is how the world's richest people became rich

Being different is scary, yet it separates you from the heard.

The best businesses are the ones that solve real world problems.

You might say “The best business is the one that turns a profit”. Yes this is partly true. However there are many companies that are founded make no money at all and sell for millions or even a billion dollars. Most of these are tech companies.

However let's not get off topic and look back and see how companies have changed the world by solving problems. I am not going to get into too many details because I could basically write a whole book about it so lets just stick to the main points.

Standard Oil: Established by John D. Rockefeller in the early 1900's. World's most precious commodity. It has been an indispensable commodity for agriculture, transportation, warfare and even light. This has revolutionized people in many aspects of their lives.

Ford: The Ford Motor Company founded by Henry Ford in the early 1900's. He replaced the horse and carriage with the automobile. He changed the way factories manufacture, and applied the line production principle which is used in factories today.

Printing Press: Invented by Johannes Gutenberg in 1440. It created an Era of it's own called the Printing Revolution. This changed society as a whole. One way to view it is that people became less barbaric thanks to the printing press, indebted to a wide spread of ideas. Another related way is how the printing press created a flow of mass communication, through books that were now affordable to the middle and lower classes.

Remember I discussed how ideas are built on ideas.

Toyota Production Systems: Just in time production began in the 1960's in Japan before it spread to America in the 1980's. This was a way to make just enough products that were purchased by the consumer. Therefore not wasting any money having finished product sit in a warehouse waiting to be sold.

AT&T: The Bell Telephone company founded by Alexander Graham Bell in 1885. The development of a transmitter has changed the way we communicate with each other. Pushing us forward to a computing world.

Google: Founded by Larry Page and Sergey Brin in 1998. I am sure you can come up with all the reason how it changed our world. It created a faster means of communication, search optimization. Changed the way we advertize and is facilitating a new concept of employees work space. Of course thanks to Google we now have Wikipedia in which it has replaced the century old Encyclopedia.

I can go on and on about various inventions that replace older inventions. Like Thomas Edison's light bulb, Albert Einstein's Theory of Relativity, and the Wright brothers with the invention of flight. The purpose of this post is not to fill you with facts that you can Google yourself. Instead it is to help you understand that you too can disrupt and create a business in which you solve an everyday problem.

You don't have to be the next Google, or Apple, or MacDonald, or Ikea. You don't need to change the world. What you can do is focus on solving the simplest of problems and build from that.

If people need it, they will buy it. If people want it they might buy it. If it solves a person's problem they have no choice but to buy it. The idea is not only to create something that solves someone's problem. You can also recreate something that is being used today and make it better, cheaper or faster.

Another note I want to make here is that sometimes people do not know they have a problem because they are used to using something that has worked for them. Raising awareness to their problem will solve half the battle for you.

Apple's Co founder Steve Jobs quoted "A lot of times people don't know what they want until you show it to them." He was right, this is how Apple became one of the richest companies in the world, by showing people what they could be missing out on.

Now this may seem like a post a business owner would read, we can also relate it to non business owners. And that is to be aware of what you have and how it has worked for you. Don't get fooled by those shiny objects. If they don't make your life easier if you do buy, buy with discretion.

All of theses were not only problem solving but they were also disruptive to the current way of living and doing business. Life would not be as advanced as we have it today.

There are so many quotes I want to write from people who have innovated and helped change the world however we will end with this quote from Adam Hartung “Don't try to think outside the box - get outside the box, then think!”.

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

Doing this right can change a person's life

So easy to pay a compliment to someone when they least expect it.

The best time to pay a compliment is when the person least expects it. Just like I had covered when the best time is to give a gift.

Why is it a good practice to pay compliments? To answer this question you can ask yourself how it feels when someone pays you a compliment.

We are all different therefore not everyone will feel the same about a compliment. To some people it can really boost their confidence and make their day so much better.

What I found interesting is not the reason behind why the compliment is important but actually the timing of when it is done.

Before I tell you why, let me tell you about the Pavlovian experiment with dogs. To those rare few who are not familiar with this, a Russian psychologist Ivan Pavlov had discovered that you can condition dogs by simply ringing a bell before their food is served. The dogs developed a habit of salivating every time the bell rang because they thought the food came next.

This conditioning is a great way to teach your dogs new tricks, and teach your children many habits, however it is not a good way to treat your compliments this way.

Do you ever notice that when someone complains about something and you pay them a compliment it seems to go in one ear and out the other. It does not register for the person receiving a compliment because you are turning this into too much of a predictable tired practice.

You want this to become a habit then get into the habit of doing it spontaneously.

That's all it takes, is giving a compliment when it is least expected.

Now let me tell you why when the timing is right this becomes sticky. (Sticky is a good thing, it is when something is remembered and is stuck in your or the other persons mind)

Your target is not the conscious mind it is the subconscious. You want the person to remember this for a lifetime not a minute when the compliment is given.

Paying someone a compliment spontaneously you catch the person off guard. The person is now placing this memorable compliment into the long term storage of the brain.

To aid the mind in keeping this in the long term memory part of our brain the mind stores not only the compliment but the context and location.

The mind focuses on it, repeats it, and organizes it in such a way that it wouldn't if it was done when the person is expecting a compliment. You can read further into how to store memory long term here.

This advice I gave to my friend and I hope he uses it just like I hope you do to, and just like I wished I had done before I learned this.

How did I learn this?

Through realization and awareness of how compliments change people. A person changes their appearance, language and behaviour when the compliment is done so subtly. Giving someone a compliment before they hint for it makes the person so much more confident and exuberant. The change happens right in front of your eyes.

Try it if you don't believe me.

Make someones day by surprising them with a compliment about anything specific about them.

Watch their reaction and behaviour after the fact. Notice in the future how this affects them.

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

Is your life taken over by social media?

Is this you at work, at home or on a date?

I covered cell phones and how they have revolutionized our world. I covered addiction and the power of the subconscious mind, and I also introduced how to use the right social media platform for your business.

Today I want to discuss how social media can be a powerful tool for your life and how it can damage it at the same time.

We are living in the age of information. Information is at your fingertips at anytime and almost any place. Majority of people are on some sort of a social platform or database on the internet.

We all use social media, and If you don't, someone you know does I can bet on that.

Have you ever googled your name?

If you do not have any news articles or stories about you then certainly your facebook feed or twitter feed will appear on the google search.

Why this is a good ?

There are two main reasons why it is good to have social media.

First. It makes you more credible, authentic and real. Ironic since it is a virtual reality.

Most companies look into your social media accounts to verify who you are, who is in your social circle, and what you post. Why do they do this? Well to get a better understanding as to who they plan to hire.

If you are going on a date with someone, or just met someone, guess what, first thing they will do is "creep" your social media to get to know you better.

I think you get where I am going with this.

Of course there is a flipside to this coin. People, hackers, can create fake accounts and pretend to be someone who they are not, to make themselves look "better", or even worse steal someone's Identity. I will go into more detail on this. 

Second. It can bring about opportunities for you and open doors. How?

I was at an event yesterday in Vancouver and I asked one of my friends who his new hire was. He connected with her on instagram. Has never met her personally before.

I have connected with various people through my social platforms whom I have never met. Yet it will work in my benefit as well as theirs when we collaborate on various projects I am planning for the future. Creating a win win win is so important in life and in business and I will actually dedicate a whole post to this theory.

Someone tried to scam me. My dad posted my drone on craigslist that I am selling and I received a reply about it from a 'potential buyer'. I asked the buyer if he has a linkedin or facebook profile, the male instantly replied "no". Right away my suspicions were raised.

After 5 minutes of investigating I figured out it was a scam. He actually had the nerve to call me and try make me feel guilty about not selling him my Drone.

I don't watch the news on T.V. or listen to it on the radio, instead anything worth spreading is done through social media. It is difficult to track everyone's birthday, Facebook makes it easy by giving reminders. Also a great way to setup social event's is to post on various social media platforms. 

We are interconnected globally.

How social media can damage you.

Classic example, Catfish, they actually have a show about this and the term has actually made it to the dictionary. When someone lures you into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona.

Well this has never happened to me, although I did know one person who this may have happened to. I won't go into details of this. Let's just say nothing came about this.

Another instance when something similar to this happened, not the luring but the stealing of identity, to my girlfriend. Someone pretend to be her, used all her photos, and she/he was in a different province. It certainly is so bizarre witnessing someone else using your identity.

It could be happening to many of us, and we just don't know it. It certainly happens a great deal if they could make a T.V. show about this.

Cyber crime happens all the time, and your social media is an excellent platform to dig up any personal information that you have on there. Just use caution and beware that it can happen to you.

Besides that social media can be a powerful distraction and addiction for many users.

Conclusion.

Social media can both be good and bad if you use it cautiously and to your advantage. Right now I am building a vehicle in which I will be able to promote various businesses as well sell ad space for other businesses. I am also working on a project right now that will turn into a profitable business and most definitely will leverage all the social media platforms to go viral with it.

During the prelaunch stage I will uncover the name and where you can find us.

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

Do you hate your job?

He loves his job, and he is definitely not frustrated.

What happens when the life you end up living is not what you planned.

We grow up with dreams of wanting to be someone or do something specific.

And then we grow up.

We realize the path we arrived at is not the path we ultimately were pursuing.

Why is that?

Is it because we fall out of love of being the person we wanted to be? Is it after the expereince that you then realize this is not who you want to be? Or is it because we never get to be who we wanted to be?

Are you alone in discovering this?

It may seem that way. It may seem like everyone around you knows exactly what they want to do and who they want to be.

Is time running out?

Are you ever going to settle?

These are the questions I ask myself. Life throws us all kind of curve balls. I would have never thought when I was growing up to be doing what I am doing today.

It is okay to be unsure. My career path has changed. So can yours.

Does it have to be a written script that you have to follow? NO.

How will you ever know what you want to be when you haven't experienced being that person. Trying every field will waste more time for you. How do you know what you want to do and that you will be happy doing it?

Follow your heart? Follow your passion? Well that's all bullshit. Because passion and following your heart doesn't pay the bills unfortunately. Luckily there are other ways!

How?

Starting with a big list of the things you think you want to do and narrow down the options.

Taking colleges or friends of friends to coffee that you meet through social media ie. linkedin or network groups. Asking them the not so obvious questions. Finding out what the day to day workload is like for them in their field.

I got this advice from Raghav Haran, his the host at 'land any job you want'.

You are not alone in your path to discovery. The worst you can do is settle for something that ultimately makes you miserable deep inside.

I've had this conversation with my girlfriend and we both agree that most jobs you just are not going to be totally in love with them and that is okay. That is life.

What's not okay is to absolutely be miserable and hate what you do. Then I suggest to fill your time outside of work with things you absolutely love. Balance.

Whenever you hear that someone loves their job. Guess what, they worked damn hard and they hated it in the beginning and probably had a ton of doubts about it. That is normal. If you don't endure this kind of pain then you are a rare breed and I applaud you.

Loving your job or career comes after you have built your skills that make you indispensable.

Everyone is their own boss. Even when you work for someone else, guess what you choose to work there and you choose to get up every morning. You can also choose to occupy your free time with things that will give you that satisfaction that you may not be getting in your job.

So pick something already and start building your skill set. Build it until your job becomes easy. When that happens, guess what, you begin to actually like or let me rephrase that, love what you do.

I want to leave you this post with a quote from Jim Carrey "You can fail at what you don't want, so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love".

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

Bad habits are hard to quit, here is the formula I used.

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I put a stop to my bad habits, you can too.

You may ask how?

Let me tell you it's not easy, it's not willpower, it's not for the faint hearted.

It is a mindset, it is commitment, it is support, encouragement and accountability.

Mindset:

Our beliefs can either destroy us or assist us in achieving what some may think is impossible. Napoleon Hill said it best "Whatever your mind can conceive and believe it can achieve".

You may think "Come on this is crazy, I believe I can jump off a building and fly", well its true if it doesn't defy gravity. Although if you wear a wing suit or as they call it a "birdman suit" kinda looks like a flying squeral, well guess what, you can fly.

Let's get back on topic here.

Our minds are the most profound and powerful tools that have ever been in existence. Yes even more powerful than the strongest smartest computer, even though the computer has defeated the smartest chess player.

The most beautiful thing about our minds is that the commands we give it consciously, get programmed into the subconscious. This is what controls our habitual behavior. I have talked about habits in my previous posts, and I am sure will touch upon it in my future posts.

They way I am talking about the mind is the same as some, and by some I mean philosophers, buddhist monks, and whoever else may think so, they theorize that "You are not your mind". Your mind lives within you and controls your thoughts emotions and actions. I think this is a topic for another post.

To give you an idea as to how we can change our mind about something we do I want to give you this simple exercise which has helped me along the way.

Ask yourself these four questions:

1.What will this do for me after I act on this habit? (positive or negative)

2.How will I feel after I do this habit? (mind and body)

3.How will I feel tomorrow after I do this habit?

4.What will people think of me if I do this habit?

For everyone the answers will vary. The idea is that you are retraining your mind. Your mind is used to sending signals to the body for serotonin/dopamine hits for every time you do your habit.

The goal is to replace the habit but to maintain your seratonin/dopamin hits. Eventually a pattern will emerge.

Just making your mind up is unfortunately not enough. Why you may ask? Because we have ingrained this bad habit into our subconscious behaviour, its the same as taking a saw to a log and sawing it until your past the halfway point

It is the first place you start. If you believe you can stop your bad habits, than let's move on to commitment.

Commitment:

Like anything you do that you love, or hate, you stay committed to either doing or not doing it. Staying committed needs to become a ritual for you for when you make your mind up.

When the urge comes, and it will come believe me, you need to go back to asking yourself those four questions above. This is part of the commitment I am suggesting here.

The other part of the commitment I will discuss below, in support, encouragement and accountability.

I really love this quote by Socrates, "A boy came to a philosopher and said to him that he wanted to become a philosopher. The philosopher took him out to a lake and stuck his head underwater. The boy started to struggle. The philosopher kept his head underwater until the boy fought back to catch a breath. The philosopher asked the boy 'What were you thinking about before I pulled your head out of the water?' The boy replied 'The only thing on my mind was to get oxygen'. The philosopher told the boy, next time he wants to be a philosopher as bad as he wanted oxygen than he will be ready to become one".

Does this tie into my topic? It can. Even though I really like this phrase and it seems like it has no place in being in this post. We can take the lesson that if you want something bad enough you can attain it.

Support, encouragement, accountability:

Here comes the glue that hold everything else together.

You want to assign a friend, someone who you would not lie to for any reason (unless you have a habit of lying, this may be a deeper rooted issue and again we can discuss this in another post), to support, encourage and hold you accountable for your actions.

How will you do this?

What has worked for me is having my best friend read back ten questions to me that I have assigned for him. I read this practice in one of my books of which I am now having a hard time recalling. This was before I started writing down cliff notes and summaries of the books I am reading.

The answers to the questions must be either a yes, no, or a number.

For example if you are wanting to quit smoking. One of the questions may be, Have you smoked today? Or if you are in the beginning stages of stopping, then you can rephrase that question to how much have you smoked today?

Or if you are wanting to start a positive habit like going to the gym and working out or running. The question may be, How long was your run today? Or have you gone to the gym today?

This exercise should take no longer than two minutes at the end of each day.

The purpose of this is to instill in your mind that at the end of each day you will be asked these questions and if you are competitive like I am than you would want to ace those questions.

Progress by asking tougher questions in a month or two.

This is the advice I give to my friends when they ask me how to quit a bad habit.

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

People don't care about you

Okay, my hair is not that long

I went on a hair strike for 3 weeks and it was liberating.

Well I decided to grow out my hair. For the last seven months I have been cleaning it up but not fully cutting it.

However the last 3 weeks I decided not to put any product in my hair. By product I mean any gel, mousse, hair spray or whatever you put in your hair to make it stay in place.

I wanted to do something different, and it felt great doing it because I chose to do it. No one told me what to do.

Do you care about what other people think?

I know there are times when I just don't care, and I think this last three weeks was proving that point. I am not saying you shouldn't care because you should care, and I know I am contradicting myself by saying this statement, I do care.

I do care the image that I convey to the world. I don't care if people like it or hate it. It is hard for me to get embarrassed.

Maybe it's the attention that I enjoy whether negative or positive. Playing basketball I would be "that guy with the crazy hair". Maybe it's for recognition that I was seeking.

Whatever the reasons may be, I loved it either way. It was a challenge I was ready to face.

I had important meetings with clients, dates with friends and my girlfriend, I attended seminars and even conducted a school presentation. I got up in front of the class and led a stretching exercise where my hair would rise and fall.

If I didn't mention to the class to excuse my hair I am not sure if they even would of cared, didn't seem like they cared anyways.

Occasionally I would toss some water through it to keep it down for a short while, but then it would go all crazy on me and I just wouldn't care. 

People don't notice because they are too busy thinking about themselves. Because there are too many distractions to notice.

Plus they might think that is my style, and how inappropriate would it be for them to judge?

It is a good thing we live in the times that we do. where we can express ourselves without being criticized.

My hair is the longest it has ever been besides the time I had a mushroom cut when I was 12 years old.

As a matter of fact I got some compliments from strangers.

Close friends of course would throw in the odd comment, of "what are you doing with that hair".

It got to the point after two weeks of not styling my hair I wanted to see if anyone would care about my hair and how ridiculous it looked, according to societal norms of course.

Ill tell you one person who judged, and I hold nothing against her, yes you guessed it, my girlfriend. Why did she care? Was it because she loves me? Was it because of her image and how it would make her look being with me?

How you carry yourself is how you show the world who you are.

Oscar Wilde, this photo is from The Daily Beast, on his American Tour.

Oscar Wilde was a playwright, did I know this before I wikipedia him? No. I came across his quote however in one of the books that I read, Secrets of Confident Communicator. They are a series of books that are great for anyone who wants to better themselves.

"You can never be overdressed or undereducated" This quote stuck with me, I use it all the time when I dress to impress. When I walk into a room and I am the only one that is definitely over dressed this is what I think in the back of my mind.

I was inspired to write this post because of one of wondering earl posts.

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

You are better than this

Let her go

I had a topic in mind for this post, however after an hour long conversation with my friend I felt compelled to change my topic for today's post.

I am not sure where I began to give advice on relationships, since my relationship was shaky for a while. However I feel through experience, books, and counselling, I have a grasp on maintaining and preserving a lasting relationship, or so I think.

This is the same friend who has given me advice before on my relationship who is now calling to ask for advice about his recent breakup.

There is two ways I want to go with this post. One what should he do to win her back, Two why he shouldn't.

Let's begin with what he can do to win her back.

My 1st piece of advice: Do not pick up the phone and call her for at least 7 days. You have to give it time. Time for her to wonder what is going on. Time for her to miss you. Time for her to start the "What If's" What if he was the right guy all along.

If he is strong enough then make it 2 weeks.

Make it a challenge/goal like you would going to the gym and saying you will do a routine and not quit until it is complete.

Every time you pick up the phone to call her that clock resets it self. Calling right away makes things worse, I am not talking about stalking status, although it could be considered as such. What I am saying is that the hurt is too strong and that with time it becomes faded.

2nd: Get control of yourself. This ties into the first bit of advice I know. I am not talking about will power. I am talking about the crazy thoughts that are running through your mind. The "What If's" about her.

Making your mind up is a powerful way to control yourself. Like saying to yourself I am not going to call her is good. When you say things like "I am going to call her the minute I get off the phone with you", guess what, your mind is already made up.

3rd: At this stage you are already looking for every reason to get back with her, and how she is perfect in every way. However she is thinking the complete opposite of you. She is looking for every reason to blame you for every problem she has created herself and lacks the ability to take responsibility for.

Ask yourself this, at your best of times together was it a fuck yes or a fuck no for you. Truly answer this, you have no one to lie to but yourself was she a fuck yes without a doubt she is the one, or she was just a maybe.

Think was it desire, lust, or something more than that? How could you answer that question in this state? I know it takes looking really deep within yourself to know the answer to this, and only you will know.

Was the sex phenomenal, was that what it was all about? Could you spend time with her doing things besides thinking about where a cool place would be to hump. What were your relationship goals?

Remember none of this can be applied to you or maybe it can. I do not do relationship counselling, this is simply my personal experience, what I went through, and how I came out with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

4th: Go see a counselor, get an unbiased opinion. No this does not make you weak. No this does not make you a loser. Yes it will cost you money. It is money well spent. You cannot go wrong ever in investing in yourself.

Of course do your due diligence and seek out a reputable counselor. Do not expect them to agree with everything you say, because remember you are hurt, if you want someone to inflate that bruised ego and tell you what you want to hear call one of your friends who doesn't care too much about you to be upfront and honest with you.

5th: Stay Busy. Not just physically, but mentally. Challenge yourself to do things that will better you as a whole. Examples are: Take courses in school, start hobbies that you enjoy, workout regularly, join clubs that will be more than just social interactions. This also applies to the next section of this post.

Now let's get into why he shouldn't go back to her.

There are many people in this world and everyone deserves to be with someone. We are social creatures. We do not do well in solitary, and that's why prisons are so good at breaking down human psyche.

Going out with anyone right now in this hurting state is not the right time. Last thing you need to do is invest into another relationship. Although there are people who can swing like a monkey from branch to branch, person to person. However this is not my advice.

Think back, what were the reasons for the breakup? Read this Power of No by James Altucher. Does emotional abuse occur in any time of the relationship? Did she hurt you mentally by smashing your character. Things your worst enemy wouldn't say to you, and not just in the heat of the moment, because we all say stupid shit that we sometimes can't take back. I mean on a regular basis.

Yes your ego is crushed, you can't get what you want. But that's it. The goal is to make her not be able to get you, thus making her want you even more. This sounds rhetorical I know.

The worst part about this is that my friend had actually progressed to be someone better than he was with his last relationships. This is what is really messing with him. Not understanding that he applied all this effort to the wrong person who didn't deserve it.

I hope this doesn't discourage him to continue applying the same effort to his next relationship.

So I am going to conclude this post with the following statement that was sent over by my friend.

"Ill tell you something my old friend. Money doesn't buy you happiness. Don't take what you have for granted, cherish life, the memories, and the people you love. I've never been so successful and have everything going great in my life, but I still feel so empty."

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

Part 2 - How can we turn happiness into an asset?

Is it right or wrong about what one person determines as happiness?

I choose the one in the middle. Let me explain why.

No!

What you must remember however is that happiness like all emotions, does not last long. Gary Cox put it best in his seminar, "Feelings are like spray paint on rust, it doesn't last long."

If you have ever read any books on meditation it will tell you that thoughts float like clouds they come and go. They never stay. Same goes for emotions, you cannot hold your happiness or anger or sadness for very long periods of time. Experience and external influence will change your emotional state.

Keeping this in mind, you and I certainly think about happiness differently, and we expereince it differently.  What we do have in common is that neither of us can hold onto happiness for too long. It can come as a burst and it can distinguish after sometime.

Let's do a short meditation to prove my point, and we will get back on track afterwards.

After reading this next paragraph close your eyes and follow my simple instructions. You do not need to sit cross legged with your thumb and index finger touching. Just simply close your eyes for 2 minutes.

The beauty about happiness is that you can unlock it within you if you choose too at any moment and time. I want you to think back to your fondest memory, it can be an early childhood memory, or something that has happened recently. I want you to think of the time when you had your best laugh, it could have been with a friend or a stranger. The moment you laughed so much, how did you feel? Where was it? What surrounding where near you? Were you in a different country or city. What did you hear? Was it near a beach or ocean, or the city noise? Was it in a restaurant or club? Did someone say a joke to you? Don't think of the details too much, I will explain why after this paragraph. Just simply think of the time you had a great laugh. Ok go ahead close your eyes and follow the instructions. You can set a timer or just go as long as you can.

Now that you have done this short meditation, you can open your eyes. 

How do you feel right now? If you followed my instructions, you should feel a bit better than you felt before completing this exercise. If you didn't do the exercise I encourage you to go back and do it. If you don't have time too, well you are going to finish reading this post I hope, so why not spend an extra 2 minutes, what have you got to lose?

As you continue reading this post this happiness will slowly crawl away like a turtle inching through the sand on a beach, back to the sea.

Going back to why I said about not overthinking the details. Too much or too little detail can skew the perception for a person. Firstly when meditating you do not want to forcefully think about details. Instead you want to gently let those thoughts come and go. Secondly details help us overestimate and underestimate the happiness.

Do you notice when you have too much variety that you tend to be less happy about your choice? I know I do. For example I went to BestBuy an electronics store to buy a usb stick. There was at least 21 different options to choose from. The worst besides spending time finding the right one, is after the fact thinking about what if the other options were better. Now I am sure this has happened to you before too.

Do rich people live happier lives than broke people? Does this mean that broke people are not happy?

I have a few friends who are financially free, yet they are in constant pursuit of happiness, why is that? I believe you know the answer to this.

So happiness hey?

Are you happy after reading this post? That is not a trick question. Really how can you determine if you are happy, not so happy, or really happy. The thing is that sometimes you are wrong about your feelings. You may think you are happy when really you could be just content, or thrilled.

How can this be that we have a hard time determining our own emotions?

Well it is because we lack the understanding of it.

Let me wrap this up by saying that as we grow old we are conditioned by society to accept what happiness should be. Sitting in a crowded place, if one person starts smiling or laughing you began to join in. At this point it is almost uncontrollable.

Age does not affect your happiness. Although you would have had a great deal of experiences.

Now I am not telling you to walk around and just be jolly and happy all the time. Just be mindful of the times you are. Happiness is a choice just like anything else we do.

What you choose to do with this information is up to you.

To be continued....

(Also posted in KarasinTII.com)