Wednesday, 11 January 2017

How a self evaluation has made me second guess my persona

I wear twelve different faces.
Who am I?
The more I think about this the more I realize I am not actually one face or one person. I mean yes, I reside in one body and I have one brain and two legs and one heart. But I have several different personas.
Let me ask you; when you interact with your parents, do you act and talk the same as you would with your peers or even your sister? Do you think the same?
Sometimes I think to myself; am I a fraud? Do I pretend to be someone I am not? If the answer is yes, then who am I?
I am the guy who tries to convince his friends to follow his wisdom, intellectually challenge my girlfriend, empathize with my sister’s growing pains of having children, behave as appropriately as possible to be seen as a poster child to my girlfriend’s parents, be seen as a giving selfless human being in my philanthropy projects (yet being as selfish as can be when it comes to my own wants).
Am I all of those things? Yes. Am I non-of those things? Yes. Sometimes I feel as though pretending is all I have to go with. Pretending that I am a good person, that I am perfect in the literal sense, that I love everybody and care about everybody. The truth is I care about myself too, maybe more, does that make me sinister?
I don’t know if this is wrong or right. I know that I haven’t met any person that portrays the same emotions and the same attitudes towards different persons.
Some of the people in my circle of friends (I can think of one in particular as I am writing this) personalities when they are with their girlfriend or parents. It’s almost like a Clark Kent and Superman, except they don’t save any lives or fight villains, aside from deceiving people from who they actually are.
But that’s it, is Clark Kent Superman or is Superman Clark Kent? Some will argue and say; he’s both, and they would be right.
That’s how I feel.
I seems as though I am being deceitful for all the right reasons, however, that silver line of distinguishing from right and wrong sometimes becomes a duality. I do it not to hurt people, I do it to be liked, to be understanding and understood.
So, I guess that would make me selfish? can find more about this story here.

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